Thursday, June 18, 2009

Pandemonium

Well, as my own writing shrivels and dies (it's ok, I'm just being dramatic) it's nice to know that someone else's is alive 'n kicking. I spoke to Dylan's English teacher this week, and she told me that Dylan is the sort of boy that makes her life easier as he responds so intelligently to poetry and stories. She scribed for him in his SAT's and said she thought he did really well. Anyway, I know that my Dilly really enjoys English class and making up stories but it's been a while since I've read anything of his. He spends his time at home talking about wrestling, playing wrestling games on his wii, watching wrestling on tv, and the only reading he does is reading wrestling magazines (fairly typical for a year 6 eleven year old boy I think.) Tonight he brought his schoolbook home, and I read this piece which he says is his best work yet. He told me that he spent 5 days writing it, and used a thesaurus to get some cool words. I may be biased, but wow. His prompts were to describe an island surrounded by sea with some animals and people on.


Pandemonium by Dylan Crowley

There was a dark storm with a crackle of lightning and a loud bang of thunder. The fire from the volcano was dripping down making a huge pandemonium. The young look out was experienced but had never seen anything like this before.

The wild pigs were searching for food, fighting for survival. The sea was getting rougher, it was like two colossal buildings smashing together. This dramatic scene was made worse as two eyes like yellow headlights were watching the whole time. Unnoticed by the people of the island the eyes disappeared behind the volcano.

The look out was exhausted, he had been working the whole day. He felt that he needed to stay awake. Superstitious that something, he was not sure what, was tracking him and the villagers.

Slowly even slower the beast emerged from the depths of the volcano. It seemed the whole of hell had unleashed its spirits.

The volcano erupted!!!

8 comments:

Sara said...

I love the line "...it was like two colossal buildings smashing together."

Tania Hershman said...

Blimey, this is excellent! He's 6? I'd say wrestling might just lose out here....

Reynard said...

damn, he's better than me already

Sara said...

Oh crikey Tania, no, he's not six! He's in year six, he turned 11 last month and is in his last year at junior school.

Reynard : )

Nik Perring said...

'it was like two colossal buildings smashing together' is just brilliant. What a terrific piece! Bags of atmosphere and imagery. You should be very proud.

Nik

Bob Jacobs said...

Well done Dylan :-)

Vanessa Gebbie said...

I much enjoyed this and am impressed! My fave bits are as follows:

"...two eyes like yellow headlights were watching the whole time. Unnoticed by the people of the island the eyes disappeared behind the volcano."

and "Slowly, even slower.." (lovely rhythm here... slows the reader down, before the zap-bang ending.

Nice work Dylan!

kellie said...

This is brill! Amazing for one so young. He's created a really exciting scene!

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