At least ten things I'm feeling right now...

1) A bit wobbly. A bit fragile. A bit concerned that I'm never going to be as good as I want to be.

2) A bit sick.

3) Baffled by some of the utter mediocre tripe that gets published. (I always feel like this, so it's not news.)

4) Hormonal and teary (that's my excuse for boo hooing over Brendan and Lisa in Strictly!)

5) Irritated by the fact that nobody asks silly X-factor Diana why she sings in a faux oirish accent when she is NOT IRISH! (My twins insist I watch this with them, we compromise with me watching the sky plussed programme on Sunday so I can whizz through.)

6) Pissed off with all the hateful using, schmoozing, back stabby, sucking up/slagging off that goes on even in my tiny amateur writers world.

7) Delighted for Tania Hershman who is the European regional winner of the Commonwealth Broadcasting Association's short story competition. Whoo hoo Tania!

8) Addicted to lots of word games on Face book that are potentially very time wastey. (Word Twist and Path Words in particular!)

9) Happy with my new upgraded MacBook.

10) Disappointed with myself always, for not being better/thinner/kinder/smarter/more prolific/more talented/and so on ad infinitum.

blah to the max

I feel blah.

I feel a little as if I want to hibernate and not mix with people, and not sub work, and not talk much, and not put myself "out there" for a while. I think it would be good to settle on the sofa and read some absorbing books. I would like to not worry about deadlines and writing the novel. I bought wii fit on Friday, i'd like to read, and write for pleasure (not to deadlines or for subbing,) and go on the wii fit, and talk to my lovely boys.

I'm on the Waterstone's New Voices committee or whatever they call it, and I got sent a bunch of books today. I looked them over and it seems I got a couple of cool ones. Last year I think I must have got the dregs because there was nothing I liked at all.

I miss Matt.
So much.

If you go on wikipedia there's a section of "recent deaths". I started scouring the ages of people who died this month, looking at their ages, hoping everyone was way older than me.